Bed time Surprise

Here I am lying asleep in bed…
Fast asleep, like I was dead!
Then I get this feeling! I pop up my head!
From my stomach; I surely do dread.

That gurgling feeling I surely knew!
So out of the blanket I flew!
Right to the toilet… I had to poo!
I made it in time! … “Wew!”

© 15 Aug 2011: Poem By Bryan R. Jenks of www.WISHLAMP.com / JENKS INDUSTRIES.

If I told you it is now 2011... would your eye's pop out?

Their's sure did!

The band includes the "No Arm" dancer!

To all the real Heroes!...

 "Happy Veteran's Day!"

The Pumpkin Patch Polka!

Without much preamble and hardly any ado, I present to you 50 dumb quotes from those on the left side of the aisle. From crazy ideas about toilet paper usage to freak-outs over balloons, this list will make you laugh and shake your head in disbelief (and maybe even vote Republican in November?).

1. Sheryl Crow on Environmentalism: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.'"

2. Joe Biden on culturalism: "In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."

3. Whoopi Goldberg on 43-year-old Roman Polanski raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and [sic] when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."

4. Joy Behar on Economics: "Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?"

5. John Conyers on the Health Care Bill, which he voted for: "I love these members, they get up and say, ‘Read the bill ... What good is reading the bill if it's a thousand pages and you don't have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?'"

6. Former DNC Chairman Donald Fowler on possible delay of RNC convention due to Hurricane Gustav: "Plus they think the hurricane's going to hit (starts laughing) New Orleans about the time they start. The timing, at least it appears now, that it'll be there Monday. That just demonstrates God's on our side" 

7. Barack Obama: "I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?"  

8. John Kerry on the troops: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

9. Howard Dean: "We know that no one person can succeed unless everybody else succeeds."

10. Rosie O'Donnell: "Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers." 

11. Al Gore: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

12. Congressman Hank Johnson on Guam: "My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize,"

13. Alan Grayson on Health Care: "The Republican health care plan: don't get sick ... The Republicans have a back up plan in case you do get sick ... This is what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly!"

14. Nancy Pelosi on the economy: "every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs."  

15. Helen Thomas: Jews should "get the hell out of Palestine" and "go home" to Germany and Poland. 

16. Wanda Sykes: "I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight ... Rush Limbaugh -- I hope the country fails. I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs."

17. Bill Clinton on ordinary Americans: "African Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do."

18. Barack Obama on a tornado that killed twelve people: "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed"

19. Harry Reid on Iraq: "This war is lost and the surge is not accomplishing anything."

20. Kanye West: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." 

21. Joe Biden on the economy: "The number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S." 

22. Bill Maher on Christianity: "I think religion is a neurological disorder. 

23. Joe Biden on History: "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened."

24. Ted Rall: "Over time, however, the endless war in Iraq began to play a role in natural selection. Only idiots signed up; only idiots died. Back home, the average I.Q. soared."

25. Michael Moore on terrorism: "There is no terrorist threat. Yes, there have been horrific acts of terrorism and, yes, there will be acts of terrorism again. But that doesn't mean that there's some kind of massive terrorist threat."

26. Henry Waxman on Environmentalism: "We're seeing the reality of a lot of the North Pole starting to evaporate, and we could get to a tipping point. Because if it evaporates to a certain point - they have lanes now where ships can go that couldn't ever sail through before. And if it gets to a point where it evaporates too much, there's a lot of tundra that's being held down by that ice cap."

27. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

28. California Senator Barbara Boxer: "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

29. Wesley Bolin, former governor of Arizona: "We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles."

30. Senator Chris Dodd, while on the campaign trail: "Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again" Sen. Chris Dodd, on the campaign trail.

31. Melissa Lafsky, Huffington Post blogger: "[Mary Jo] would have thought about arguably being a catalyst for the most successful Senate career in history ... Who knows -- maybe she'd feel it was worth it."

32. Joe Biden on the passage of the Health Care Bill: "This is a big f...ing deal!"

33. Bill Clinton: "It all depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is' is."

34. Jerry Brown, former governor of California, and current candidate for the same position: "The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs."

35. Democratic Convention producer Don Mischer, overheard on CNN having an apoplectic seizure when the balloons failed to drop from the ceiling of the Fleet Center in Boston: "Go, balloons. I don't see anything happening. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Stand by, confetti. Keep coming, balloons. More balloons. Bring them. Balloons, balloons, balloons! More balloons. Tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No confetti. No confetti yet. No confetti. All right. Go, balloons. Go, balloons. We're getting more balloons. All balloons. All balloons should be going. Come on, guys! Let's move it. Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. Go, confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons. We need all of them coming down. Go, balloons. Balloons. What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down. All balloons! Why the hell is nothing falling? What the f--- are you guys doing up there? We want more balloons coming down. More balloons. More balloons."

36. Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, DC: "I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

37. Bill Clinton: "I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her."

38. Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is, in fact, still alive: "His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she's- wait- your mom's still- your mom's still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul."

39. Al Gore on zoology: "A zebra does not change its spots."

40. Rod Blagojevich, former governor of IL: "I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up."

41. Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz on the newly passed health care law: "We actually have not required in this law that you carry health insurance."

42. Congressman John Dingell on freedom: "The harsh fact of the matter is when you're passing legislation that will cover 300 million American people in different ways, it takes a long time to do the necessary administrative steps that have to be taken to put the legislation together to control the people."

43. Former Congressman Eric Massa: "Now, they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday."

44. Congressman Charlie Rangel on our troops: "If a young fella has an option of having a decent career or joining the army to fight in Iraq, you can bet your life that he would not be in Iraq."

45. Radio personality Ed Schultz on elections: "If I lived in Massachusetts, I'd try to vote ten times ... Yeah that's right, I'd cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. Because that's exactly what they are." 

46. John Kerry on health care: "I'm going to be honest with you -- I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?"

47. Congresswoman Maxine Waters on socialism: "Guess what this liberal would be all about? This liberal will be about socializing...uh, um...Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies." 

48. Senator Harry Reid on Barack Obama: "...light-skinned," and with "no negro dialect."

48. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano on national security, after a man attempted to blow up a commercial airplane with a bomb in his panties: "The system worked."

49. Nancy Pelosi on legislation: "But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it."

50. Joe Biden to Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham, who is wheelchair bound: "stand up ... Chuck, stand up, Chuck, let 'em see you!"

When politicians and pundits mess up, flub their words, or make Freudian slips, they often do so in the most spectacularly hilarious ways.

Former Vice President Dan Quayle reminded us not to lose our minds. (That would be a truly terrible loss, after all.) And Sarah Palin volunteered that that she was keeping an eye on Putin -- and on all of Russia -- from her perch up there in Alaska (you betcha!).

Below, you'll find 50 more of the dumbest conservative quotes we've come across.

No matter what your politics, we hope you'll have a good laugh.

1.  "When the President does it, that means that it's not illegal." ~ Richard M. Nixon
2.  "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." ~ President George W. Bush
3.  "The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." ~ Rush Limbaugh
4. ''My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better.'' ~ South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, arguing against government food assistance for poor residents.
5. "The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews." ~ Jerry Falwell
6.  ''Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.'' ~ Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina)
7. ''We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." ~ Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.
8. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." ~ George W. Bush
9. ''Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.'' ~ Rush Limbaugh
10. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Chanukah." ~ President George W. Bush
11. "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.'' ~ Rep. Michelle Bachmann
12. ''The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a liberal media bias.'' ~ Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX)
13. "He is purple - the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle - the gay pride symbol." ~ Jerry Falwell's warning to parents that "Tinky Winky," a character on Teletubbies, may be gay
14. "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ~ Dan Quayle
15. ''The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.'' ~ Pat Robertson
16. "Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate." ~ Sarah Palin
17. "'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" ~ Sarah Palin
18. "Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant -- they're quite clear -- that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments." ~ Sarah Palin
19. "What I don't know is what the unexpected might be." ~ John McCain
20. "We have a lot of work to do. It's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border." ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
21. "I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix." ~ Dan Quayle
22. "If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president.'' ~ Ann Coulter
23. ''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.'' ~ Rep. Michele Bachmann
24. "We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say." ~ Ann Coulter
25. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." ~ George W. Bush
26. "Do you have blacks, too?" ~ George W. Bush
27. ''We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals.'' ~ Ann Coulter
28. "When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining." ~ Glenn Beck
29. "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." ~ George W. Bush
30.  "Well, I learned a lot....I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries" ~ Ronald Reagan
31. ''I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.'' ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
32. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" ~ George W. Bush
33. "Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." ~ Rush Limbaugh
34. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." ~ George W. Bush
35. "Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions." ~ Jerry Falwell
36. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." ~ George W. Bush
37. "I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
38. "Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." ~ Jerry Falwell
39. ''It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.'' ~ Pat Robertson
40. "AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals." ~Jerry Falwell
41. "Facts are stupid things." ~ Ronald Reagan
42. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." ~ George W. Bush
43. "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." ~ George W. Bush
44. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." ~ George W. Bush
45. "Trees cause more pollution than automobiles." ~ Ronald Reagan
46. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ~ George W. Bush
    
47. "I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started." ~ Donald Rumsfeld
48. "She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!" ~ State Rep. Mike Duvall (R-Calif.) on a live mic referring to an affair with a lobbyist 
49. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport."  ~ George W. Bush
50. "I think I was unprepared for war." ~ George W. Bush

"Me at The Beach!" - Not her!

"Our Special Moment" - Not theirs...

"Wow To me" - Butt...

I Love... "Your Drink!"

Please God... Make them go away... Far away...

Now Scoopy... That's a Scoopy snack!

My lovely innocent children...

A great day at the beach! ... what would make you think anything different?

Excuse Me... But did you or anybody find my body?

Picture taken by Bryan R. Jenks